While on the train minding own business reading my book, overheard a conversation between a Lady (L) and her Fiance (F):
L: You want to know why I don’t want her to serve us?
F: Was wondering what was that about.
L: Errr…promise not to laugh or scold, ok?
Silence – he either smiled or made an expression, can’t see from the reflection.
L: She cut my queue in the toilet. There was an empty cubicle…the one you need to squat.
F: Okkay… (he must have made another expression)
L: Yeah, I know…not that I am going to go in there but its just basic manners. She was behind me and been looking at her phone but must’ve noticed the open door through the reflection on the mirror. Didn’t even bother to ask me if I want to go in and went straight ahead with her eyes still on the phone.
F: And? (must have gave another expression)
L: Don’t gimme that look…Would you let her touch our wedding bands if I tell you that she didn’t wash her hands?
F: Ahh… (sounded curious and calm but not so calm, with another expression I reckon). How did you know?
L: Cos she must be laying eggs and came out when I was washing my hands. Eyes still glued on the phone and just walked out of the toilet. Eeeee…
F: And how do you know the manager washed his hands? You know about us men…
L: Crap…think need to sterilise the bands regardless and maybe you
F: A true blue OCD…doubt you want me sterile (took a peek and saw that he gave a grin as wide as Cheshire Cat)
Had to alight and wonders the continuation of the conversation…
Moral of the story:
(1) When in uniform (especially of a high end jewellery store) and wearing your name tag, never ever jump queue even in the toilet. You will never know who is observing and who is your potential or existing customer.
(2) Regardless whether you are in uniform or not, its basic hygiene to wash your hands (obviously!).
(3) Eavesdropping can be entertaining and at times brain teaser plus informative.
A decision was made after months of procrastination, battling fears, searching for answers, praying for signs and seeking advise. A month had passed and it is still sinking in. The question that keeps playing on my mind “Am I really ready for this?”
The fear is real. Getting out of the comfort zone of bringing back the same amount of money each month vs fluctuations of income. The fear of not getting enough work, the fear of starting from scratch, the fear of being lost, the fear of the constant need to seek validation, the fear of being overwhelmed, the fear of overcoming all fears (overthinking really does not help) and the list continues.
It was not an easy decision to be a full time freelance after 15 years of being a cubicle rat. The thought has been playing on my mind for more than a year and I was waiting for the right time. When I was at my deepest end I started asking “when is the right time?”, “do i want to continue to be stuck and simply leave everything to fate?”. There were multiple rounds of self-reflections aided by conversations with family and friends. A split second decision was made when enough was enough and at that moment I realised that there is no such thing as the right time.
Many say that a job is just a job. You do based on what you get paid for. There are times that due to changes in the company, responsibilities are added. Due to these changes you start to see a lot more wrong than right. Due to changes, your values and principles are no longer aligned with the company. When that happens, do you stay on and simply take it all in despite being jaded, brown out/burnt out because you are already in your comfort zone? Wouldn’t it be like a daily robotic routine – wake up, go to work, slog at work, go home. Where is the satisfaction? I admit, different people have different satisfaction levels, different people have different motivation level and different people stay as long as they could for different reasons.
I realised that I had lost my motivation for more than a year and no longer feel a sense of achievement. I was just going through the motion. Being a team player, I man-up, putting in more than 100% and simply just taking it all in even though most times felt that I was taken for granted by being a team player. Speaking up (part of company culture) feels like falling onto deaf ears. Many times I was told that I take my responsibilities too seriously and that I have too high expectations of myself. It is difficult not to when I am dealing with someone else’s life and safety. I take my responsibilities seriously because my credibility is at stake and I am one who do not regard a job as just a job. It is an implied trust. I hate it when I dropped the ball and felt inefficient. It saddens me when told that I’m physically there but not mentally. Don’t get me wrong, I am one who prefers to have open and straight conversations/feedback. But it does not work when frequently it is only one way traffic. It came to a point where I am tired of trying and simply give up. I had alot more questions than answers. Instead of asking and listening, it became asking and finding fault. Cliche but true that at the end of the day no one is indispensable to a company.
Through out the years of working full time I had picked up various skills (both technical & soft skills) and past employers had given me abundance of opportunities and regional exposure. For that I am truly grateful. These actually complement the experience that I gained with my freelance work and vice versa. The various roles from my freelance work opened up a totally different world and experience that I could not gain while sitting in the office. I had been asked many times why I do it. I simply answered “why not?” Knowledge is to be shared and learning is at its best when it is shared.
And so, here I am writing this still thinking if I am really ready for this (more like – what did I get myself into). I guess I will never be ready but at least I am brave enough to take the very first step towards an adventure to add on to my book of journeys.
“When you get out of your comfort zone, life begins…” – Unknown
Strangely, I had been asked many times for the past few months if I am a full time freelancer. Everytime it came as a surprise when I replied that I am a cubicle rat. Some of the responses or reactions are rather amusing. The standard faq “you don’t behave or dress like one who works full time” or “how do you manage?” or “aren’t you tired after a long day at work” or “you so free & have so much time?” or “what you actually do?” and the best “why?”
I am fortunate enough to have a day job that allows me to dress down daily (it helps because of the occassional manual labour). Power suit and the whole works will only make an appearance when required. Clothes do not define a person or what he/she does. Its the work ethics and being that count.
Each of us are given the same 24 hours. How we manage and split the time is entirely up to us, there is no magic formula. I admit there are challenging times especially when there are conflicting priorities and commitments. There are days that I totally crashed both physically and mentally. When that happens will have to suck it up and make things work cos I am a firm believer of ‘make time’. There is a time for everything, if one wants to. If I can’t commit I’ll say so upfront. There are times when I had to painfully say no to side projects. A little bit of planning does help but Murphy loves to throw a curve ball every now and then. Being flexible and adaptable are key. And most importantly not to kill myself and over-commit. I am fortunate that I have quite a number of vacation days that I can play around with. That helps heaps when I need to recover after weekend events.
Knowledge is best learned when it is shared. It is a gift in its own right. If I could extend my help and share what I know, why not? Sharing is a two way learning. I am still learning.
Why I do what I do? Or what it is exactly that I do? Its easier to explain in person over coffee (desserts are more than welcome). But don’t be surprised if it ends up with us having other conversations. Simply said “do what you love, love what you do”…
And so, last Wednesday night session wraps up side projects and everything non-work related for 2016. The late nights, wee hours, Garfield eyes, sore muscles, bad ankle acting up, swollen knee, bruises on legs, broken shoes, soaked in the rain, melt under the heat and the occasional brain drain were totally worth it, no complains. It has been an unexpected remarkable journey this year.
It is such a blessing to have the continued trust, faith and the constant opportunities from those I had worked with for years. To those whom I get to know and worked with this year for the first time, it is such a blessing that I had crossed paths with them.
Now its time to hibernate for a bit and recharge before it begin again early Jan. Looking forward to upcoming & more collaboration, exploration, opportunities, pushing limits and continue asking ‘what did I get myself into’ in 2017…
20 Feb 2016: The Mesra & Nadi Singapura Malay Contingent – 240+ of us with our float
Singapore Jazz Festival 4-6 March 2016
Speak Cryptic’s The Tribe 7-9 Jul 2016
Stars: A Night of Pop Yeh Yeh 4 Aug 2016
SGP 2016: 16-18 Sept 2016
Nadi Singapura Productions 2016 – Himpunan Serumpun II (Feb), Serentak I (May), Journey 2: The Pulse (Nov)
“As a performer you are part of the draw…” – Earl Carpenter.
Stoked to be able to catch this talented performer. Charismatic, charming, funny and made his presence felt the moment he stepped onto the stage. Melted when he sang Music of the Night from Phantom of the Opera (one of my favourites). And totally glad that I stayed for the meet & greet (which I rarely do). Won’t be able to sleep tonight!
P/s: we allowed to take pictures and videos during the show